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| Homer, these novelty ice cubes are often made from highly toxic chemicals. Ironically, a real fly would have been much more sanitary. |
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| Could you give me a handful of peanuts, Maude. Not those peanuts... the ones at the bottom... |
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| If you want him to live through the night, I suggest you roll him onto his stomach. Remember, I said if. |
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| So I said, I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini. |
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| I like to think that I'm a patient, tolerant woman and that there was no line you could cross that could make me stop loving you but last night you didn't just cross that line, you threw up on it. |
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| Don't take that tone with me young lady or I'll give you a taste of the back of my hand. |
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| Lis', in these crazy topsy turvy times, who's to say what's right or wrong? But right now my guts tellin' me bleed Gramps dry. |
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| A marriage can't be reconciled in a few hours, Homer. It takes a whole weekend to do that. We must bait our hooks with honesty. That way a happy marriage won't be the one that got away. |
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| It's not that I don't love the guy. I'm always sticking up for him. It's just that he's so self centered... He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays both religious and secular. He chews with his mouth open. He gambles. He hangs out at a seedy bar with bums and low lives... He blows his nose on the towels and puts them back in the middle... He drinks out of the carton. He never changes the baby. When he goes to sleep he makes chewing noises and when he wakes up he makes honking noises. Oh, oh and he scratches himself with his keys. I guess that's it. Oh no wait, he kicks me in his sleep and his toenails are too long and yellow. That's all I can think of right now. |
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| It's no use kidding myself, I'm having an ethical crisis. |
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| Go ahead, waste your strength General Sherman. I've got a skillet and a stick of butter with your name on it. |
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| Alright, I get out at noon and I'm already invited to a party. |
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| Ok fish, you're probably wondering why I'm still here? Catching you will make me the most famous fisherman in history. Right up there with the bald guy in the cable fishing show. |
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| We've degraded ourselves and setback the children's rights movements for decades to come. |
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| Well if that's the way you feel, I'll throw it back... Whoa, I did it. I gave up fame and breakfast for my marriage. I fought it for six hours. She says one word and I toss it back and your telling me our marriage is in trouble? Come here, baby! |
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| Pretending to cry. That's right, you heard me. Pretending to cry! I can turn it on and off like a faucet... I fooled you. So long suckers. He he he. |
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| I'll never trust another old person. |
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