The Simpsons Forever | Quotes | Episode 19

Episode 19

Season 2

7F08

November 15, 1990

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Dead Putting Society

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Notable Quotes in This Episode

You heard the lady, Homer. So please move quietly, genius at work.

Hey there neighbor. The Lord has certainly given us a beautiful day today.

Marge, beer me! ... Don't toy with me woman.

There's nothing wrong with crab grass. It just has a bad name that's all. Everyone would love it if it had a cute name like elf grass.

I couldn't help overhearing, Simpson. I've got some ice cold suds in the rumpus room if you'd like to join me.

Oh, hello Sponge Cake. I thought you boys might be hungry so I whipped up some club sandwiches.

Here's a tasty little logger that came all the way from Holland.

Hey dad, thanks for helping me with my science project... I've got the best dad in the whole world... toodily-doodily.

Alright, knock it off!... You've been rubbing my nose in it since I got here. Your family is better than my family. Your beer comes from farther away than my beer. You and your son like each other. Your wife's butt is higher than my wife's butt. You make me sick!

Simpson, I'm afraid I'm gonna' have to ask you to leave. I hope you understand.

Oh, he's perfect now is he?... No, no, Marge, don't back peddle. You were right the first time. He's perfect. Perfect in every way. I'm just going to take a walk around the block to calm down. I got a little excited. I'm not perfect. Like Ned Flanders.

I feel terrible. You know sometimes I forget we have things a little better than the Simpsons. I drag him over here. He has a few beers. You can't blame him for erupting and then I turn into a snarling beast. Talk about flunking the old turn the other cheek test.

Honey, wake up. It sounds like Ned Flanders is having some sort of crisis.

The Good Book says a gentle answer turns away wrath.

Dear Neighbor... You are my brother. I love you. And yet I feel a great sadness, in my bosom... neighbors forever, Ned Flanders.

I wish this family was as close as the Flanders.

I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll bring home a new protractor.

Play it where it lays, Homer.

Get bent.

It is difficult Mr. Simpson. The best strategy is to play conservatory. Hog the rail. It won't go in but you set yourself up for an easy deuce. Oh huh, it went in.

Son, this is the only time in my life I'm ever gonna' say this. It is not ok to lose.

What are you doing? That putter is to you what a bat is to a baseball player. What a violin is to the... the violin guy. Now c'mon give your putter a name... c'mon give it a girl's name... your putter's name is Charlene.

Now this is a picture of your enemy, Todd Flanders. Everyday, I want you to spend 15 minutes starring at it and concentrating on how much you hate him and how glorious it will be when you and Charlene annihilate him!

Hi Bart!

Sometimes the only way you can fell good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

A blockaded bishop is of little value but I think you're referring to a pawn.

I am a pawn.

It's times like this that I'm thankful dad has little-to-no interest in almost everything I do.

Just a minute. Loser is such a harsh word. Couldn't we just say the boy who doesn't win.

Oats are what a champion thoroughbred eats before he or she wins the Kentucky derby.

Bart, having never received any words of encouragement myself, I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound, but here goes... I believe in you.

Mercy is for the weak, Todd!

Remember what Vince Lombardi said... If you lose, you're out of the family.

Yeah, my knees are shaking. I've got butterflies in my stomach... but I guess this builds character.

Why do I get the feeling that someday I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?

Good afternoon everybody and welcome to the finale of what has already been a stirring afternoon of miniature golf. The cream has risen. The wheat has bid farewell to the chaff and now we approach the championship match with but two warriors remaining. The heretofore unknown Bart Simpson and Todd Flanders, one of the most skilled 10 year olds to ever take back the blade.

If one were to look up courage in the Oxford English Dictionary, one might very well come upon the photo of these two gladiators. They approach the final hole in the shadow of the great emancipator dead locked at eight strokes on the happy side of par. Soon, one man will emerge triumphant. He will drink not but champagne while his opponent tastes bitter defeat in this off-cruel game.

Ladies and gentlemen we have a draw. You will forgive no brit for crying but this is the most stirring display of gallantry and sportsmanship since Mountbatten gave India back to the Punjabs .