The Simpsons Forever | Episodes | Characters

Episodes		Characters

Mr. Burns

Full Name Charles Montgomery "Monty" Burns

Occupation Rich and ancient owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant; most powerful man in Springfield

Accomplishments Has lived through twelve recessions, eight panics, and five years of McKinleynomics

Past disguises Wavy Gravy; Jimbo Jones

Favorite lunch A pillow of shredded wheat; steamed toast; a dodo egg

Secret Shame Physically weaker than an infant

Favorite non-monetary wager Coca-Cola (one can of)

Miscellaneous Denture collection includes fangs; once tried to court Marge; once tried to marry Marge's mother

appearances quotes

Quotes (81)

Hello. I'm proud to announce that we've been able to increase safety here at the plant without increasing the cost to the consumer or affecting management pay raises. However, for you semi-skilled workers there will be no Christmas bonuses. Oh, and one more thing, Merry Christmas!

You're not as stupid as you look or sound... or our best testing indicates.

Some damn fool went around telling everyone I love that slimy goop. Well, toss it in the pile over there... and make yourselves at home.

Musicians cease that infernal tootling!

Now it's time to say goodbye. Please get off my property until next year. I suggest you don't doddle. The hounds will be released in 10 minutes.

Excellent. Perhaps this energy conservation fad is as dead as the dodo.

A plant employee carrying on like an oversexed orangutan in heat! This is a family nuclear power plant, Simpson. Our research indicates that over 50% of our power is used by women. I will not have you offending my customers with your body shenanigans.

Simpson, I am by most measures a successful man. I have wealth and power beyond the dreams of you and your clock punching ilk. And yet, I've led a solitary life. The fair sex remains a mystery to me. You seem to have a way with women, a certain... how should I put it... animal mag-net-tis-ma. Help me Simpson. Tell me your secret.

Why you young ragamuffin. I was never one to back away from a snowball fight. Smithers, you may fire at will.

Morons, pathetic morons in my employ steeling my precious money. This is hopeless, none of these credants deserves a promotion.

Those are my ideas. You people don't think. You regurgitate.

Shut up, Smithers. Can't you see what he's saying? A happy worker is a busy worker. Three cents worth of tartar sauce could save us thousands of hours in labor. I like the cut of your jib Simpson. Let the fools have their tartar sauce.

Oh, hey-ho men. You know, I was watching the DuMont last night and I happen to catch a fascinating documentary on Rommel, the desert fox. Now there's a man who could get things done.

What?! Blast his hide to Hades! And I was going to buy that ivory back scratcher.

You may find this hard to believe but in my salad days my crowning glory was a bright chuck of strawberry blonde curls. Oh, I was big man on campus until my senior year when I became as bald as a pluck chicken. You see Simpson. I too know the sting of male pattern baldness.

Hi-ho faceless employees. In a few moments the government inspection team will be touring our plant. So look busy and keep your mouths shut! That is all.

Hold me, Smithers.

I suppose that's normal background radiation. The kind you'd find at any well maintained nuclear facility... or for that matter, playgrounds, hospitals.

Oh look. Some careless person has left thousands and thousands of dollar just lying here on my coffee table. Smithers, why don't we leave the room and hopefully when we return the pile of money will be gone... Look Smithers, the money and a very stupid man are still here. Is there some sort of confusion about this? Take it. Take it you poor schmo.

Awww, visual aids help so much. Thank you.

Oh don't worry, by the time this paid political announcement is done every Johnny Lunchpail in this whole stupid state will be eating out of my hand. Oh! Hello friends! I'm Montgomery Burns, your next governor and I'm hear to talk to you about my little friend here, Blinky. Many of you consider him to be a hideous genetic mutation. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. But don't take my word for it. Let's ask an actor portraying Charles Darwin what he thinks... ...So you're saying this fish might have an advantage over other fish. It may in fact be a kind of super fish. ...You see friends if our anti-nuclear naysayers and choose-up-siders were to come upon an elephant frolicking in the waters next to our nuclear power plant, they'd probably blame his ridiculous nose on the nuclear boogeyman. The truth is this fish is a miracle of nature with a taste that can't be beat. Mmmm, mmmm. So to summarize, say what you want about me. I can take the slings and arrows but stop slandering poor defenseless Blinky. Goodnight and God bless.

Oh I get your angle. Every Joe Meatball and Sally Housegoat in this God forsaken state would see me hunkering down for chow with Eddie Punchclock. The media will have a field day.

There's no single answer. Some voters respond to my integrity. Others are more impressed with my incorruptibility. Still others buy my determination to lower taxes and the bureaucrats in the state capital can put that in their pipes and smoke it!

Ironic isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

Simpson, I shall make it the focus of my remaining years that your dreams will go unfulfilled.

You know Smithers when I was a young buck, my patented fade away pitch was compared by many to The Trouble Ball of the late great Satchel Paige. Spit on this for me Smithers.

The hitter's off his rocker kissing Betty Crocker... I used to rile the late great Connie Mack with that one at old Shibe Park.

Release the hounds.

Oh for crying out loud, just give him a nickel and let's get going.

My attorney's have advised me to pay you for running over your child so I'm cutting you a check. One hundred dollars. Of course you'll have to sign a waiver not to sue and so forth. Merely a formality... Oh so extortion is the name of your little game. Then you get nothing. I have the finest lawyers in Springfield... Tangle with me and I'll crush you like a paper cup.