The Simpsons Forever
The Simpsons Forever
Episode 9 Season 1 7G11 March 18, 1990
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Life on the Fast Lane
  • Life on the Fast Lane
  • Life on the Fast Lane
  • Life on the Fast Lane
  • Life on the Fast Lane
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Notable Quotes in This Episode
Jacques
So 120 pins later, I am the better man.
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Jacques
Your fingers are so slender, so feminine. They're far too tapered for the ball you are using. You need something lighter, more delicate. Here, use my ball.
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Jacques
Many people have senseless attachments to heavy, clumsy things such as this Homer of yours.
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Jacques
Yes, I am a very good teacher and I can teach you everything. I can tell you what the little arrows on the wood floor mean. Which frame is the beer frame. I bet you don't know how to make a 5-7-10 split do you Marge?... Well first of all you yell "The 8 pin is a cop!". Let it out Marge. Laugh loud. Laugh out loud, you'll lose weight.
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Homer Simpson
Now this is living, wh kids? Hot pizza, the food of kings.
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Jacques
First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness. Feel the finish. Feel the slippery finish. Caress it. Experience it... Quite smooth, isn't it Marge?... You could eat off of it... You hungry?... Four onion rings!
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Bart Simpson
My compliments to the delivery boy.
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Jacques
Marge, do you know how beautiful you look in the moonlight?... I know, I know. My mind says stop but my heart and hips cry proceed.
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Jacques
Marge, darling, I want to see you tomorrow. Not at Barney's Bowl-A-Rama, away from the thunderous folly of clattering pins. Meet me tomorrow for brunch... You'll love it. It's not quite breakfast. It's not quite lunch but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast but you get a good meal.
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Jacques
There are ten pins in my heart. You've knocked over eight. Won't you please pick up that spare?
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Marge Simpson
Here you go kids, special lunches. Lots of good things for growing bodies and some treats just for fun.
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Bart Simpson
Ay, carumba!
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Marge Simpson
Goodbye Lisa, my darling little Lisa. Goodbye Bart, my special little guy.
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Lisa Simpson
Oh Bart, don't you see? This is what psychologists call overcompensation. Mom is wrecked with guilt because her marriage is failing.
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Bart Simpson
Hey, don't rock the boat, man. Whatever it is, we're making out like bandits.
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Lisa Simpson
Bart, I read about what happens to kids like us whose parents no longer love and cherish each other. They go through eight separate stages. Right now, I'm in stage three, fear. You're in stage two, denial... I stand corrected. [...] Frightened Bart? Welcome to stage three, fear... Sorry, Bart. I'd love to help you but I'm mired in stage five, self-pity.
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Jacques
Mimosa is the name of the drink. It's orange juice and champagne. You're so wonderful that you thought it was something offensive.
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Helen Lovejoy
Well, I had just finished eating and was about to leave when I looked over this way and said to myself.. Why isn't that Marge Simpson over there having brunch with a man who isn't her husband?... and I just had to come over and say hello.
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Jacques
You have a lovely friend there. Let's hope something runs over her.
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Jacques
Your laughter is like music to me but if you laugh at what I say next, I will die. For I am about to say something very serious, perhaps shocking. Marge, my darling, I want you to meet with me again.
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Jacques
They're not for bowling, Marge. You're so naÔve. They are for lovemaking.
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Jacques
Some divine pin-spotter must have placed us side-by-side.
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Bart Simpson
Look, Dad, I don't know what's going on but once you gave me advice that might help... You told me when something is bothering you and you are too damn stupid to know what to do just keep your fool mouth shut. At least that way you won't make things worse.
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Homer Simpson
Marge, may I speak to you?... You know, I've been thinking. Everyone makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but usually the jelly drips out all over the side and the guy's hands get all sticky. But your jelly stays right in the middle where it's supposed to. I don't know how you do it? You just got a gift, I guess. I've always thought so. I've just never mentioned it. But it's time you knew how I feel. I don't believe in keeping feelings bottled up. Goodbye, my wife.
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Jacques
To the most beautiful moment in life! Better than the deed. Better than the memory. The moment... of anticipation. Oh, Jacques you handsome devil. Look at you. You're really going to strike out tonight!
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Homer Simpson
Tell them I'm going to the back seat of my car with the women I love and I won't be back for 10 minutes!
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