The Simpsons Forever
The Simpsons Forever
Episode 5 Season 1 7G05 February 4, 1990
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Bart the General
  • Bart the General
  • Bart the General
  • Bart the General
  • Bart the General
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Notable Quotes in This Episode
Homer Simpson
Do I smell cupcakes? Ooow... do I ever.
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Lisa Simpson
Keep your greasy mitts out of there!
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Nelson Muntz
Nah, happens all the time. Somebody else's blood splatters on me. Hey, wait a minute. You're right. You made me bleed my own blood.
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Nelson Muntz
I'll get you after school, man.
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Principal Skinner
Scoot young Simpson. There's learning afoot.
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Bart Simpson
Look everybody. I would just assume not make a big deal out of this. I'm not sayin' I'm not a hero. I'm just saying that I fear for my safety.
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Nelson Muntz
I'm gonna' get you again tomorrow, Simpson.
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Homer Simpson
What? And violate the code of the schoolyard? I'd rather Bart die.
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Homer Simpson
The code of the schoolyard, Marge. The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.
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Marge Simpson
Instead of fighting, why don't you try a little understanding... so tomorrow instead of bickering with this boy try to talk to him. You'll be surprised how far a little understanding will go.
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Homer Simpson
Unfortunately son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own... so the next time this bully thinks you are going to throw a punch, you throw a glob of mud in his eye! And then you sock him when he's staggerin' around blinded. And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned... and if you get the chance, get him right in the family jewels. That little doosie has been a Simpson trademark for generations.
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Grampa Simpson
Dear advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant fun loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels.
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Grampa Simpson
If you don't stand up for yourself, bullies are going to be picking on you for the rest of your life.
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Herman
Can I interest you in some authentic Nazi underpants?
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Herman
Hello, young American.
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Herman
My arm? Well let me put it this way. The next time your teacher tells you to keep your arm inside the bus window you do it.
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Herman
The key to Springfield has always been Elm Street. The Greeks knew it. The Carthaginians knew it. And now you know it.
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Bart Simpson
I can't promise you victory. I can't promise you good times... but the one thing I do know.. whoa, whoa. Alright. Ok. I promise you victory! I promise you good times!
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Grampa Simpson
Sorry Bart. You can push them out of a plane. You can march them off a cliff. You can send them off to die on some God forsaken rock. But for some reason, you can't slap them. Now apologize to that boy right now.
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Herman
It's a classic pincers movement. It can't fail against a ten year old.
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Grampa Simpson
I thought I was too old. I thought my time had passed. I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children!
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Herman
Article Four: Nelson is never again to raise his fists in anger. Article Five: Nelson recognizes Bart's right to exist. Article Six: Although Nelson shall have no official power, he shall remain a figurehead of menace in the neighborhood.
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Bart Simpson
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures. Well, good night, everybody. Peace, man.
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